In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
