the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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