life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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