She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
