I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
