New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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