I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
