Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Drunk is a universal language darling
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
