I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
