Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
