I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
