By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
