It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
