This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
