Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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