Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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