It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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