i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
