everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just high enough for therapy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
