Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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