My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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