Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize