glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
