the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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