'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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