He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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