PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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