There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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