I just threw up on my dentist
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
