What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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