1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
