I love having hate sex.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
