Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
