My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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