So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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