so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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