The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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