just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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