she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He kissed a someone with a penis
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
