my mouth tastes like poor choices
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
