in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
