I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
