This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
