I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
