i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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