I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
