Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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