Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
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