Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
