There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
