We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize