I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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