This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize