I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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