I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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