Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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