there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
