it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
