Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
