so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
