so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
