When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
