is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
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Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
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Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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