I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
