I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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