It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
