Little spoons don't ask big questions
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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