I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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