her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
