So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Randomize
