I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
