just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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