I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
