Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
