I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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