i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My ass is underappreciated
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
